Restart

Have you ever hope that there is a restart button? One that lets you begin everything over again like how they have it in games? One more try to make everything perfect, one more try to right what was wrong?

Unfortunately, life was never made to be simple. We are not provided a reset button to jump start everything again. No potion for our health points, no phoenix down to revive those that are lost. If you are wondering what are these terms, just google it. :)

Sometimes when you look back at what you have done, you will think, why didn't I do it that way? Why didn't I make a better decision? Is there a better decision?

Human are made to be impulsive. To do things that are right to them at times where reasoning cease to exist to them. So when we decide on something, it is the best for us at that point. That is when mistakes happens.

However, we were meant to make mistakes. If we didn't, how are we to learn? How are we to thrive? We are who we are today not only because of the things we were right about, but the things we were wrong about. Like how we know that drinking bad milk causes tummyache and how Thomas Edison was to invented light.

Everyone makes mistakes, and if life were to have a reset button, we will never learn. Or have penicillin for that matter. ;)

Craving My Path

One year has passed already. This year, a lot of things begun. First, i'm finally in University. It seems so surreal. I can still remember back when I was in standard 2 thinking to myself, one day I want to be a doctor. I'm finally getting closer to my dreams.

Do you think you can actually turn back time? Cause if I could and I could see myself then, I will tell her,

"You're one step closer everyday, just never give up."

Or maybe she'll be telling me instead whenever i'm in doubt,

"May, it's going to be a long road ahead of you, but look, I never gave up on my dreams, why should you now?" :)

It's a start of something.

Having said that, every events that happened last year was also part of what makes me, Me. So here's three cheers to the May of 2009!

Fear

The only way to conquer fear is to face it.

Being human, we all have fears. Things we can't help but be afraid of eventhough we know it is safe. We are still afraid. Like fear of heights. No matter how many strings are tied around us, we still fear it.

Most probably because it is something beyond our comfort zone. Something that no matter how many coaxing by others, if we are not willing to conquer it, there's no way anyone can change our mind about it.

The month of December is known internationally as the World AIDS month. This is the time of the year where volunteers not only try to reach out to those who are facing this struggle but also to reach out to those who believes knowing nothing is better than knowing and those who are afraid to even speak it's name.

HIV does not discriminate.

Today, 15 of us went as volunteers to Wangsa Walk, A shopping mall somewhere in KL to try to increase awareness within the community. I think the most enlightening thing was to actually listen to the people talk about HIV and to see their response when someone wearing a sandwich board written "I'm HIV positive, Will you hug me?" approach them.

Probably the best thing anyone can learn from here is that fear is a big element that blocks understanding. Don't deny, if someone mentioned that they are HIV positive, eventhough you put on a "It's ok" front, hundred of thoughts are running through your head. You're are wondering "Did I drink anything that person drank," "That person hug me recently, do you think they could be somewhere I could get infected then," "Am I infected already?"

It's alright to fear scared. It's actually normal. But running away is not the solution. Stigmatizing is not the solution. It's facing it, learning about it and trying to help people who might be infected by it.

Sometimes, the best way to learn is to work closely with this people.

Just like heights, as soon as you let go and jump you realize that the only thing holding you back is you.

Today, I learn to conquer my fear. :)

What matter most

Did you change the course of your destiny? Or has the course of the destiny change you?

We make decisions everyday, some that bring us coser to what we want, and some that brings us further. No one can determine whether this effect is only temporary or something that would last for the rest of your life.

Even if at this point it feels like the effect are not that great, maybe just maybe in a day, a week, a month or maybe years to come, this might have been the best decision you ever made.

Sometimes people question our decisions and we start having second thoughts about it. No one is free from that feeling. No one is free from falling.Yes to others, it's silly, but we thought it through and we know that this is just right, maybe not to others but to ourselves. Isn't it what matter most?

Does Your Heart Listens to You?

I know sometimes, mine doesn't.

It's not something entirely good or bad, even if the famous saying does actually goes that "You should always follow your heart."

Sometimes my mind tells me to let go but my heart says otherwise. Most of the time my heart wins though I think I should have a change of heart, literally speaking of course.

But it's because of our hearts that chooses never to give up, eventhough it seems like sometimes we are only chasing our untouchable dreams that defy our rational thinking that it could never happen, that we have planes, lights, car and electric today.

Sometimes Dreams can become Realities :)

Product of the system

Myc asked me to read this blog and she almost never introduce things to people without knowing it's really, really good so there I was reading a blog titled Product of the system and it was really enlightening.

As a onlooker, I don't think I reserve the rights to say whose fault is it because I wasn't there. Doctors are merely humans. And doctors does not own a singular personality that all doctors should have. There are different type of doctors in this world.

We don't have to look to far away to see how out future doctors will be. Just look at some of the private medical Universities here. You can see varying personalities. Some of them goes clubbing till late at night and some which burn the midnight oil. Doesn't mean that those who go clubbing and party till late at night would not be good doctors. They might be really a good one, one day. Same goes to those who burn the midnight oil, they might be good doctors and also maybe not. It's not what they study that determines what type of doctor they will be one day, but the aptitude of themselves.

Not many people can handle dealing with another person's life and that's what makes doctor special because instead of running away from a dying person, you have to run towards them and try to save their life. Not everything is glam and pretty like you see on medical dramas on television. Things are often bleaker, darker. The only thing glamorous about being a doctor in Malaysia is the title Doctor and nothing else.

Having said that, I truly believe one thing about doctors. Anybody who have sat through five years of medicine truly wants to help people. It's not an easy road. I'm sure nobody wants to caused the death of someone. Having said that, anyone who chose this line of occupation should be humble and willing to learn. We are only human. They is only so much we can do and if we can't perform to the best of our abilities, it's time we reach out for help from others. We might have the knowledge to help save a person's life, but we're not God.

Working

I just started working in a Law firm this week. So if you're wondering why I suddenly stop making appearances o Facebook and MSN, here's the reason why. My working hours are 9 to 6 and by the time I reach home from an hour long jam, I feel exhausted so I don't come online. :)

Working life is really different. :)

Update more when i'm free ya.